Martin Gray has lost his family several times. His father was killed in the Jewish uprising of Warsaw; his mother and brothers were slaughtered at the concentration camp of Treblinka during World War II; and his wife and children perished in a forest fire in 1970. In spite of these tragedies, Martin Gray never submitted himself to despair. He decided instead to establish the Dina Gray Foundation and to devote his life to serving the suffering of others. A generous philanthropist, he has dedicated his life to comfort and help. As a writer of many best-selling books, he brings sparks of hope to the hearts of many hopeless people.
Shabbat Shalom: Could you tell us what has been the most painful part of your suffering experience?
Martin Gray: As many know, I went through many sufferings—physical suffering, but first of all, moral suffering. One of my greatest sufferings was when I found myself next to people who needed help and support, and yet I was unable to help them. I found myself in painful situations, such as facing children who were starving to death, and I could not do anything for them. Indeed, this is the greatest suffering I have ever endured in my life. A great deal of suffering occurred in my personal life when I lost all my family, my wife, and my children in this tragic fire accident. This is certainly why children play such an important role in my life. So often, I saw children sent to death and hell while I couldn’t do anything for them! This is unbelievable. It is very difficult for me to describe what I felt and what I still feel within myself today.
Shabbat Shalom: In your book For Those I Loved, you raise disturbing questions such as, “Who’ll bring them back to life? Who’ll bring me back to life? I didn’t kill myself. I talk, I eat, and I do things. I’ve gotten past the mood when the urge to die was my only consolation. I’ve gotten past the stage when the only question was, ‘Why, why me? Why, my people, twice! Hadn’t I sufficiently paid my debt to mankind or to fate? Why?’” * Have you a reason for that suffering? Do you think there is a reason for your suffering?
Martin Gray: True, after all these calamities, I have asked myself many questions. If these questions are still present in my mind, I think I have found some answers to them through my actions. By sharing my life with others and committing myself to others, I have partially found the answer to this question. Perhaps this was my destiny - to help others - and in order to understand it, I had to go through these experiences. I receive hundreds of thousands of letters; people who write to me say, “Martin, you suffered so much! Yet through your books, you bring strength and courage. Thank you, for it is thanks to you that we find the strength to go on.” Other letters say, “My life was meaningless; I read one of your books, and my life has been transformed; thank you, Martin.” I find, then, today, an answer to these questions through these letters I receive. From them, I built a bridge between my readers and myself, and so a dialogue has been established. The response is there, in this dialogue, in this communion that has been created between them and myself.
Shabbat Shalom: You then had a particular mission to fulfill, and this mission allowed you to…
Martin Gray: A mission! I don’t know if the word is appropriate. I simply feel myself as a kind of mediator between those who write to me and all the others, all my readers. Why are my books sold by millions throughout the world? Why are they listening to me? The reason is simple: they have discovered an experience. This was not mere empty words, but rather a real experience. People are able to distinguish between true and false. Launch an advertising campaign in the press and say that A Book of Life or The Force of Life will give you courage, happiness, and hope. If it is false, believe me, this campaign will not work. But when you receive letters from readers who say, “I did not know the meaning of my life, and I read a book by Martin Gray, and suddenly my life has changed…” This is a miracle. When words are not just words, when words are not just well-adjusted syllables, when words come from far away, when words come from the heart, from the blood, from the guts, they carry extraordinary power. During the war, I heard many words - words that sent people to death, but also words of hope and words that saved human lives. I feel that my life has been saved by words, and then, today, I simply try to pay back this debt to those who helped me. When words are genuine, they come from the heart and then go directly to your heart.
Shabbat Shalom: You are Jewish. You mention it in your books, and you affirm it loud and clear. Does it mean that you believe in God? If so, then do you believe that God is in some way responsible for your suffering?
Martin Gray: God in all this? Indeed, people have often asked me this question. I cannot say today that I do not believe in God; as for His responsibility in all this, I cannot judge. I don’t know. Only the people of the church and of the synagogue should answer. What I know, however, is that the human person is a miracle. Every person is a whole universe and cannot dissociate himself or herself from the rest of the universe. What I know is that death cannot erase the love we have in our hearts for those who are no more. I think of them every day of my life. I know that life has a meaning, and there are infinite strengths in ourselves. I also know that love, goodness, faithfulness, and hope always triumph over evil, barbarism, and hopelessness. I know all this, and I want to believe in it and share it with you. If all this means that I believe in God, then I believe. Everyone has to find within themselves the answer to this question: “Does God exist?”
Shabbat Shalom: What was your attitude towards God precisely at the time of your suffering, when you were in the ghetto of Warsaw, or in the camp of Treblinka, or even some twenty years ago when you lost your family in the fire accident?
Martin Gray: I am the descendant of a great biblical people; the Jews used to dispute with God and always talk to Him. When I went through painful moments in the camps or in the Polish maquis, I used to write poems, and one of them would often come back to me in which I would settle my accounts with God: “Listen, God! You asked me to pray, and I prayed. You asked me to go to the synagogue, and I went. You asked me to refrain from some food, and I did. I obeyed Your demands, and what do You give me in return? The ghettos, Treblinka, Auschwitz, and death. Why? Why? Take your answers from your pocket.” I was revolted and asked questions of God to know His answers. I was revolted, for I lost my mother, my father, and all my brothers in the camp of Treblinka. Today I do not ask those questions the same way, and I try to answer in my own way. During the war, I was only sixteen years old; I had never learned how to pray, and now my prayer is the action I have undertaken and what I do on behalf of others. I believe that to be in fellowship with God is not necessarily to go to church or to the synagogue. What matters for me is to meet with people, to be together, and to speak with them; this action is for me as strong as a prayer, but I understand very well those who pray in the synagogue and in the church.
Shabbat Shalom: What lessons did you draw from your suffering experience?
Martin Gray: Life has taught me through these sufferings that some dose of suffering is necessary to live. I do not mean that we must suffer in order to understand life. Certainly not. It would be awful if everyone had to pass through the same suffering. But I do believe that a certain amount of suffering is helpful to understand and accept each other. The main lesson I have drawn from my sufferings is that to live and to be successful is possible. By being successful, I do not mean business and money, but to be at peace with oneself.
Shabbat Shalom: We are all candidates for suffering; we all suffer. What would be your advice to those who suffer?
Martin Gray: It is always difficult to advise. But as far as I am concerned, if I have been able to survive, it is essentially because I always knew that one day there would be an end to my suffering. There is always an end; if not tomorrow, then the day after tomorrow. It is certain that suffering will cease. Then, instead of passively waiting for the end of suffering, we must act. This is why I tried to do something with my life - to simply be close to my neighbors. Thus, by helping others, I found the strength that helped me get through my personal suffering.
Shabbat Shalom: The best way to fight suffering is to help those who suffer.
Martin Gray: Yes, but it is also important every morning when we open our eyes to say, “I am happy to be alive!” And then, we should try to transform the new day into a hymn for life and strive to help others find this joy of life.
*Martin Gray and Max Gallo, For Those I Loved, translated from the French by Anthony White (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, Inc., 1972), p. 348.
